Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize