Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
