I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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