I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize