How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
