if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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