She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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