the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
