who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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