Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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