i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
