tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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