in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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