Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
