Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
