Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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