To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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