Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
