I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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