he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
