Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you never un-have a 4some
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize