apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
