It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
