Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
