Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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