Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize