Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
