his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
