ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
