Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
