yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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