Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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