thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He felt like a one man threesome
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
