The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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