there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
