Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
