I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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