So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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