i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
