Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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