I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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