I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
