Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
