I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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