I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
