theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize