So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your penis caused this!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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