im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
