Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
