he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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