my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
