I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
