Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
