Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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