His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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