I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
