He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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