They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
