my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im holly from the hills drunk
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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