i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
