drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
