I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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