He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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