if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize