you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
