I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
