Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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