We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My bed smells like the plague
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The air taste purple.
Randomize
