Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
