weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
