she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How external is "for external use only"?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
