i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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