Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
