oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
